I wake up.
Drink some water.
Go to the bathroom.
I step on the scale…
.
I gained 5 pounds.
.
.
My world came crashing down.
I wanted to cry but my body doesn’t seem to want to.
I spiral….thinking of everything I ate the last few weeks.
What have I done?
.
I worked so hard to lose that 5 pounds and now it came back to haunt me.
How could I have let this happen?
.
I mean…
Yes, I haven’t been eating the best food the last 3 weeks (meaning I’ve been binging on junk food)but.. I’ve stopped and went back to eating “healthy” again.
Yes, I went through some emotional turmoil the last few weeks but.. I’m back to my healthy and happy self now.
Yes, I wasn’t sleeping well. Laying on my bed at 2am staring at the ceiling and waking up 6 hours later with a brain fog..
.
So, why? Why have I gained 5 pounds?
Maybe..maybe it’s not me.
.
But a reflection of what I have been through. A reflection of how I was feeling the last few weeks. A manifestation of my feelings, my thoughts and my decisions.
I am not worth more or less now that I have gained weight.
I am simply 5 pounds heavier.
.
And right now I decide how it will make me feel.
And I accept that it doesn’t make me feel great and I want to change it.
.
But I also recognize that those 5 pounds represent the hardships I went through the last few weeks and that I no longer need to carry that with me.
And I acknowledge that those 5 pounds also represent the happy times.. getting stronger with my headstand practice, cooking food for me and my family and working hard towards my goals and dreams.
So…no, I choose not to feel bad about those 5 pounds.
.
I choose to accept it and move forward.
I choose to continue to work on eating healthier and sticking to my workouts because they make me feel good.
I choose to be grateful for my body, for growing stronger and for going through things I’ve never been through.
I choose to not focus on those 5 pounds and focus on how I feel instead.
I choose to put my energy to my goals and dreams instead of the scale.
I choose that I am worth more than the 5 pounds I have gained.
…and funny enough, now my body allows me to cry.
